“Yeah, Baby, that feels good. But why didn’t you shave your stubbly face?”
Dan Savage writes a column for Seattle’s The Stranger called Savage Love and one major aspect of his column is GGG sex. This refers to good, giving, and game, where good suggests actual skill in bed, giving suggests giving equal time and energy to sex, and game suggests open-mindedness to your partner’s kinky desires, even if they might not be your own. While I too consider the three G’s important to a healthy sexual relationship, I take issue with G number 2.
Let’s face it. Women have to put more prep time into their sex lives if they are going to be considered hot partners. First, women are expected to shave their legs, underarms, and even their nether regions. Second, women often take the extra time and care to buy sexy underwear. The first issue with these underwear is that they are usually expensive, let’s say around 5-10 dollars. Secondly, they often are extremely uncomfortable, especially if they are of the thong persuasion. Thirdly, they are just going to come off anyway. And beyond all of these aspects of feminine “giving” to the hetero sex life, there are all the other mindless acts of beauty she puts herself through.
Even though this is not actually a part of the sex itself, most women will admit to doing at least a few of these things in anticipation of an intimate moment with their partners. In Cosmopolitan magazine, any article that is not devoted to beauty (hair, clothing, makeup) is devoted to pleasing a man. In the June 2008 issue for example, I was appalled to see that Cosmo suggests you seduce your man every night of the week (talk about hard work!): On Monday, writer Myatt Murphy suggests that you “ask him to take you on the kitchen counter” and “spank him with a spatula”. On Tuesday, “Drip wax from a soy candle down his back and butt”, and even on Sunday she suggests, “Lounge around wearing nothing but your sexiest underwear, and see how long he’s able to resist you” (From “His G Spot and 7 Other Hidden Moan Zones, 121-123). If this magazine is supposed to reflect a woman’s equal role in her sex life with a man, then why is it that Maxim , Cosmo’s male counterpart, is not all about looking hot and pleasing your woman? Last time I opened Maxim, I was actually quite fascinated by articles about fixing cars, the top sports bars, and how to properly pack beers into a cooler.
After all of this female energy exerted just as a precursor to sex, I have to wonder how sex can be considered equal. Yes, women and men can do equal acts to each other, but this still puts women ahead as givers. Especially considering the number of women who fake orgasms, neglect to have orgasms, or fail to orgasm with their partners.
Thus, I propose that men take more time to prepare for sex. Instead of showing up all hairy and eager, perhaps next time do a little trimming. Some women (myself included) might even prefer you to shave those hairy legs. You should ask your partner how she feels; what kinds of things you could do to give more and expect less. If your partner is not having orgasms, this is inexcusable. You can make it happen, and if you can’t, then maybe you should not be getting off yourself.
Why don’t hetero woman demand more of dudes? I do not identify as straight, but I certainly would never get all strung up in lingere and stillettos unless I was with someone incredibly generous and industrious and, well skilled.
What are some solutions to this obvious gap between male and female giving in hetero sex? GG sex instead of GGG?
